This morning I went with my daughter to school early to help out with some homework. The school opens early and we were happy we could take the time to go get an extra book and work on her French. I am also excited about French because in order to enhance her learning she teaches me and I get a free lesson. J Annabelle is the type of person who is very empathetic and loves to help others. Her learning is tremendously stronger when she feels she is explaining it to me. Much like taking notes helps some. On our way to school we talked about how other mothers might have just said “oh well you didn’t have all you needed and leave it at that”. How she was lucky to have someone who was so excited about her educations as I am. It was odd that that conversation took place before the rest of the events.
As we got into the lobby I noticed it was full, and the little couches we sat on once before to work on homework before school were taken. I looked around for a place to sit with her and spied a conference room, which I knew was used for many different tasks. Annabelle and I then approached the front office and I said, “um, could we use the conference room to do Annabelle’s homework or should we go into the cafeteria”. I noticed kids gathering and was not sure if that would be appropriate. Suddenly off to the side I heard “WE, WE” and as I turned to look at over from where the voice came this person addressed Annabelle directly saying “Annabelle what does you mom do your homework for you”. For the first time in a long time I was speechless. Annabelle and I just stood there and I was trying to compose myself and have more sense than this person as to not make it worse in front of her. I thought about leaping over the dividing desk and taking him out frankly!! We walked away and Annabelle said “ I think I will just do it in the car”. Oh was I mad. I got halfway to the car and then walked back in to have a discussion with this person. The discussion went just fine, he was fairly defensive and I was a mother bear. I think we got our points across.
I am home now and this event is bothering me. Here are some reasons why.
- Schools. Hmmm what do schools need more of? Parental involvement? Yes. I listen to teachers all the time who wish moms and dads took part in the child’s education. Schools are based on performance, and you would think would want to encourage moms and dads the best they could.
- He made the comment "I thought Annabelle would be embarrassed to sit and do homework with you". I feel in assuming this he then steered the embarrassment. So she was going to be embarrassed by me sitting with her, but not about being insulted like that in front of an office full of people?
- Directing insults to me through my kids will never be tolerated. Joking or otherwise and only cowards do it that way. And why does saying, “oh I was joking” make any difference?
- On the way into school that morning Annabelle was walking a bit ahead of me. I said, “Annabelle I know you are trying to distance yourself a bit as we walk in but think of how that makes me feel and how disrespectful that is”. I am driving you in to sit with you and work with you .
Recently Jay Severin was talking about Helicopter parents and how hard a time they are given. How we are often made fun of. When I tell my daughters “ if you don’t fit it”, “if you are being teased for your grades” “if you are swimming upstream” you are doing it RIGHT. I never really knew how hard this advice was to take until I was in the middle of being ridiculed for myself and I did not do very well with it. I felt humiliated, not a sense of pride.
I am waiting for Annabelle to come home from school so that we can have a family dinner and talk about it. Life is always a classroom and I want to see what she took away from it and I would like Danielle to chime in as her opinion is so strong. For now I am upset for the long lasting effects making fun of a child can bring in regards to school.
In his defense, he apologized to Annabelle and tried to build the pride back up that she has about me. I am not sure if it is going to work and then next time I have to go into school I fear there will much more distance then walking a few paces ahead of me.
Our school system seems more conservative than most, or it did. This person does not ruin the soup. I however am thinking now about the uphill battle I have always had and will continue to have. I expected more kids to be the ones teasing the kids for how strict I am, but it appears I am also to be on the end of some teasing.
Amanda.
AKA Helicopter Mom
